A Fine Day of Shopping
by Mythe
Summary: Buffy and Xander go shopping and find more than they expected.


Copyright: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle are owned by MCA/Universal/Renaissance Pictures. Buffy and Xander are owned by Joss Whedon, WB/FOX. I only borrowed them to tell a story. No infringement was intended. The rest of the story is mine and I hold the copyright to it. Do not use any part of this story without my permission. 

Violence Disclaimer: None really… 

Copyright 2000 by Mythe. All rights reserved. 

Let me hear from ya'll…good stuff please. Feedback: [Mythe@xenafan.com][1]

**A FINE DAY OF SHOPPING **  


By

Mythe

The Sun sets upon a Luckie Mart, famous for it's in house butcher shop. A place where the customers could bring whatever they caught, raised and or smashed along the way, to clean and make into steaks. Their famous butchers were known to work with whatever comes their way, all with a grin from ear to ear. 

XANDER:(whining) Awww…do I have too? 

BUFFY: (rolls eyes) If I have to buy condoms that glowing-the-dark, then you can pick up a package of pads. 

XANDER: (whispers) but it's maxi pads…for you know- 

BUFFY: Duh…it's not like their used or anything else. (pushes him towards the paper isle) Now, be a man a grab a package…oh the scented ones, please. 

XANDER: (blushing) Fine. 

He stomps down the isle and bee-lined it to the feminine needs. His eyes widen at the sight of vast choices, shaking his head. 

XANDER: GADS!!! (reading them) Long…super…thin…overnight…shields, powdered scented (stutters) Ta-ta-tampons? (thinking aloud) They stick them up- 

A beautiful tanned woman, DAWN approaches him. She brushes her curly red tresses from her gray eyes and plasters a mischievous smirk. Carrying a basket half full of health food and two cans of hairspray. 

DAWN: Hey good lookin'! 

XANDER: Yeah… (spun around and takes gander at the gorgeous babe) Oh, hello. 

DAWN: You look like you need some help. 

Xander leans coolly against the shelf and inevitably knocking packages of pads to the ground. 

XANDER: Sorry… (picks them up) Trying to pick the right one. 

DAWN: (giggles) Well, what does your girlfriend want? 

XANDER: (shakes head) Friend…not my girlfriend. 

DAWN: (takes a mental note) I prefer ultra thin- (lowers voice) So, no one knows I'm on it. It's a fashion foopa if people can see one walking like a penguin. (wrist gesture) How dreadful. 

XANDER: (blushes) I never thought… 

Buffy tossed a package of condoms into her basket, sped around the corner and CRASHED into another shopper. 

A dark spiky haired chick, wearing a Xena t-shirt, cutoff jean shorts and pair of beat-up combat boots was in the process of turning a corner as well. 

XENA FAN: (growling) WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!!! 

BUFFY: Sorry…I didn't mean- 

XENA FAN: (recognizing her) Wait…are you- 

BUFFY: (nodding) Yes, I am. 

XENA FAN: Kool… (leaning on cart) I read in a rag that you're having Angel's baby. Like is that true? 

BUFFY: No…way. 

XENA FAN: Is it true that Faith's your secret lover? 

BUFFY: (rolls eyes) I've gotta go… (pushes cart away) Bye. 

XENA FAN: Xena and Gab are like totally out. (calls out) BE FREE!!!! OPEN THAT DOOR!!! 

By the snack isle, a table had been set up for free samples. It had a large plate filled with tiny wieners with toothpicks in them. A bored SAMPLE PERSON was repeatedly STABBING a defenseless wiener. She blew her neon blue hair from her brown eyes and began to make a tiny sculpture out of her product. 

Xander, carrying a large economy package of Maxi pads was joking with Dawn as they approached the sample table. 

XANDER: I just can't thank you enough for helping me back there. 

DAWN: (places an assuring hand upon his shoulder) No problem sweetie. (winks) I'd help you anytime. (notices the wieners) Oh…how cute! 

XANDER: Huh? (sees the wieners) Okay… 

DAWN: (takes a wiener) I just love wieners! (seductively takes a bite from it) Hummmm… 

SAMPLE PERSON: (apathetically greets, without looking up) Thanks, for trying Don Don's smoked wieners. (lowers voice) Made here in the good olde' state of misery. 

DAWN: Cheer up, little sister! 

SAMPLE PERSON: (raises a brow) Thanks, Sir-(catches herself) I mean Ma'am. (stares at the guy and shakes head) Wieners are a big part of the food group. Come on, buy a bag and you won't regret it. 

DAWN: (takes a bag) Sure darlin'. (nudges Xander) It's a fulfilling snack. 

XANDER: (grins) I guess…it's better than those damn snack bars. (takes a bag) 

SAMPLE PERSON: (smirks) Thanks for takin' the time to try our special wieners. 

XANDER: (whispers) What's in them anyway? 

SAMPLE PERSON: (leans over) Do you really want to know? 

XANDER: (realizes what could be in it) Ahh…I guess not. 

SAMPLE PERSON: Hey…do you know- 

DAWN: (pulls him away from the girl) Let's go…we still have to go by the fruit section. 

XANDER: Okay… 

Buffy is in the snack isle taking four boxes of Twinkies and placing them in the cart, next to the two large bags of Kisses, a gallon of Rocky road, chips and a package of 36 rolls of toilet paper. 

BUFFY: (checks her list) Stuff to make sandwiches…bread. (grabs two loafs) Now, some kind of meat product. (remembering her partner) Where in the world is he? 

A Spider Monkey rushes by, KNOCKING over a display of Ding Dongs. Sending the packages sliding across the linoleum floor. 

BUFFY: What the… 

A BUTCHER: (chasing after it, with a large mallet) COME BACK HERE!!! 

BUFFY: (grossed out) EWWWWWW!!! 

Xander and Dawn are at the Melon display. She's teaching him how to feel up the Melons. 

DAWN: It must be firm, but not too firm. 

XANDER: (squeezing it) Like this? 

DAWN: (nods) Yeah…perfect. (grins) You're a natural…I bet you're a good with your hands. 

XANDER: (grins) That's what everyone tells me. 

DAWN: (leans over) How about you and me- 

BUFFY: (grumbles) Xander, why are you feeling up the Melons? 

XANDER: (blushes and releases it) Dawn was teaching me how to choose the ripe ones. 

BUFFY: (assesses the red head) I bet… 

INTERCOM VOICE: Attention shoppers, our special meat steaks are ready in the butcher shop. Please come by and pick your choice cuts before you leave. Thank you! 

DAWN: (kisses Xander on the lips) Until later… (stuffs her number in his pocket) Call me. (exits) 

XANDER: (in awe) Wow…ne-never met a woman like that. 

BUFFY: (rolls eyes) Xander…do you have a clue or do you always think with your other head? 

XANDER: (getting it) Hey! I don't say anything about your lover boy (gestures) Dawn is sweet gal. (tosses the package of pads and wieners in cart) 

BUFFY: (stares at the large package) My god! Did you get the largest one? 

XANDER: Dawn says one should always be prepared. (shrugs) They're scented and thin. 

BUFFY: (pushes cart towards the checkout) Dawn is a guy. 

XANDER: Huh? That pretty thing? (shakes head) Nah…no way, we make a perfect couple. 

BUFFY: Did ya notice his Adam's apple. (lowers voice) The roomies are gonna love this…Xander's seeing a drag queen! (cracks up laughing) 

Xander: (realizing it) No way… (look of disgust) Was it? 

BUFFY: (nodds) I'm afraid so. XANDER: (takes her number and shreds it) Grosse!!!! (wipes mouth off with his hand) Ewwwww….YUCK! 

Buffy and Xander load the car up with their groceries and get in. 

BUFFY: Remind me not to shop here again. 

XANDER: Only if you point out the Queens next time. 

BUFFY: (starts the car) Deal…but I though you two made a perfect couple. 

XANDER: Funny… 

_FIN _

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